Affirmative Action


It has become a common occurrence that I need to poop when I start talking to someone. Sometimes worry that my disappearing acts might seem like I am avoiding the person and really I just have to poop. When I say, “OMG I GOT TO GO” I really do have to go and no one should take that personally. I think this awkwardness would be alleviated if we were all more acceptable talking while pooping. Well actually, this is a lot more common than we think! That is right. I am talking to YOU. You multitasking poopers talking on Skype, scrolling through blogger and Facebook while on the toilet. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?! I mean, how does s/he do it and not feel any shame?

Frankly, I admire this sort of behavior. I have trouble pooping if I suspect anyone is listening or within thirty feet of me. I suspect in the near future I will be a victim of colon cancer. Not because I did not eat enough fiber but because I live in a society that is so judgmental when I say, “I GOT TO TAKE A SHIT! BYE BYE NOW.”


About Vodka Before Noon

I live in the trees. What I mean by that, is I am a student studying Forest Management and Biology. I like playing all sorts of games even though I don’t always win. I like making things and sharing my secrets on scraps of paper for people to find. I always keep chalk in my pocket to write messages on the ground/wall for others to find. I love attention, but I am very much an introvert. I like curling up in fuzzy blankets for hours during the day for no particular reason except that I like feeling warm and happy.
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